angelbeast.org

riiiiiiiight

In the event of a real emergency…we are ALL…FUCKED!

If only i had the power to start a revolution…a REAL revolution…

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……

8:00 am – Dog food!  My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride!  My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park!  My favourite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted!  My favourite thing!
12:00 PM – Lunch!  My favourite thing!
1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 PM – Wagged my tail!  My favourite thing!
5:00 PM – Milk bones!  My favourite thing! 6:00 PM – Oooh,  Bath .  Bummer.
7:00 PM – Got to play ball!  My favourite thing!
8:00 PM – Wow!  Watched TV with the people!  My favourite thing!
11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed!  My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.  Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that    he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  For now…………….

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn’t.

2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5 . Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

18 Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do you want fries with that?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs.. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Weston.

29. I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.

30. Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

I can’t believe how stupid people are…Some people would rather KNOW evil goes on in the world but make an EFFORT to specifically ignore it…People like THAT are accomplicases to the problems of the world and there is a very special place in YOUR hell for you…

Alicia Silverstone’s Sexy Veggie PSA
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