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Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……

8:00 am – Dog food!  My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride!  My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park!  My favourite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted!  My favourite thing!
12:00 PM – Lunch!  My favourite thing!
1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 PM – Wagged my tail!  My favourite thing!
5:00 PM – Milk bones!  My favourite thing! 6:00 PM – Oooh,  Bath .  Bummer.
7:00 PM – Got to play ball!  My favourite thing!
8:00 PM – Wow!  Watched TV with the people!  My favourite thing!
11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed!  My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.  Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that    he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  For now…………….

Okay i’m betting that you al hae heard about this by now. I’m also betting that 99.9% of you dumb fucks have never even read The New Yorker or any other type of litterary type magazine. If you only get your news from the tv you’re ore than likely getting NO real debate or analasis about what the cover really means. Well i’m not going to spell it out You’re probably already too brainwashed to understand anything else nd i’m just ick to death of deling with ignorant people so if you’re letting some corporate news drivel tell you what to think about something then it’s too late for you my friend. So anyway here it i, for your viewing pleasure…The cover itself which was BRILLIANT! so screw you all *LOL*…

Denis Leary…

Tha man was a genius i say…

Step 1: Go buy a turkey.

Step 2: Take a shot of tequila.

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven.

Step 4: Take another 2 shots of tequila.

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens.

Step 6: Take 3 more shots of tequila.

Step 7: Turn oven the on.

Step 8: Take 4 more tots of shequila.

Step 9: Turk the bastey.

Step 10: Tequila another bottle of get.

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer.

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of tequila.

Step 13: Bake the tequila for 4 hours.

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey.

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey.

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick.

Step 17: Turk the carvey.

Step 18: Get yourself another shottle of t-key-lah!

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a shot of turkey.

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!

Here’s another song for your listening pleasure…

Kick Out The Republicans

for anyone that knows not who this person is. She is the current poster girl for the “conservative republicans”. And she makes me sick to my stomach. She is the very embodiment of what they believe and stand for. Her latest pearl of wisdom can be found in her new book where she says that the 9-11 wives are enjoying their husbands being dead and that they should just pose in Playboy ad get it over with, Now keep in mind that these are the women that got the ball rolling on the 9-11 commission that made little Georgie look bad. So you can see why they would not like them. But come on. She needs her ass kicked already…heh…Ah well…anyway take a listen at this song called Uncivil rights. I have no clue who does it tut it makes me wanna stand and say :AMEN brutha!
Uncivil Rights

http://www.state.mi.us/mdoc/asp/otis2profile.asp?mdocNumber=362656